Sunday, May 12, 2013

How To be an Awesome Snowboarder, and Possibly Pick up Some Girls


Having fun on the mountain can be difficult if you are not dressed properly and don’t know how to behave on the mountain. There are certain rules that employees at resorts enforce to keep riders safe, and there are unspoken rules among the snowboarders and skiers. In this how to I will show you snowboarders how to look badass and avoid conflict on the mountain. The four steps will teach you how to dress, take the lift, ride down trails and conquer the terrain park. Basically I am going to show you how to be an awesome snowboarder, just like how I envision myself on the mountain. Clearly I am not an awesome rider, but it does not hurt to know how to suit up and go with the flow of the mountain.

1.       Suit up: step into your fresh snow gear and make sure to layer up if it is going to be cold. If you are new to snowboarding and don’t know what brands/styles are cool no worries. As a snowboarder you can literally wear whatever you want on the mountain. Some popular snowboard brands are Special Blend, Sessions, Burton, 686, and Foursquare. The style that is sweeping the snowboard nation right now is slimmed down snow pants. My outfit consists of slim fitting Holden pants, a Holden jacket, and a Rasta colored shoelace belt, for that little extra flare. It is also very important to always wear a helmet.

2.       Taking the chairlift: odds are, if you are riding by yourself, you are going to take the lift with a few random people. I have met some pretty entertaining people on chairlift rides. You don’t always have to talk to people on the lifts; you can just listen to music and get ready for your next run. I always enjoy when I take the lift with a group of girls that are on vacation in Maine. If this ever happens to you it is time to make yourself look way cooler than you actually are. You can pretend to get a call from your friend and talk about all the awesome tricks you are going to throw down at the terrain park, tell them about all the competitions you placed first in, or offer to be their mountain guide for the day. These strategies are guaranteed to get you girls, 60% of the time, they work every time. *Disclaimer: I take no responsibility for rejection if you decide to use my somewhat questionable strategies.

3.       Riding down the mountain: when you are riding down the mountain make sure that you are aware of your surroundings. You don’t want to be “that guy” who stops in the middle of a busy trail and causes a massive pile up. Also don’t ride like a reckless asshole on green circles, these areas were made for beginners to get their bearings. There are also lots of children on green circles; you don’t want to run into a kid because you were trying to go way too fast on the trail. Black diamonds and blue squares are places where you can ride as fast as you want and not have to worry about beginner riders.

4.       The terrain park: the park can be a dangerous place. Usually at the top there is a group of people waiting to start hitting features. You should never ride into the park and act like you are the best rider there cutting people off or being rude; there is generally always someone better than you at the park. Also, don’t be afraid to ask someone better than you how to do a trick. If the person is not a total ass they will be stoked that you want to progress your riding and they will gladly give you some tips. If you are chill people will not have a problem with you in the park. Especially if you give people props on the difficult tricks that they land. Make sure that everybody knows that you are going to hit a feature before you start riding because you might end up cutting someone off or vice versa. If you notice somebody fall off a jump and they are in the landing area you need to walk to the top of the jump and signal that somebody is down. This is done by either waving your arms or crossing 2 ski poles in the air. Safety is the number one priority in the park; you don’t want to see somebody on the ground get hit by a person taking the same jump. 

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